An Inquiry into the Analogy Existing Between Brute and Human Physiognomy

Given the utter failure of my offer of advice, I’m not sure why I’ve decided to offer up this new service on my blog.  But I am.  I’m proud to tell you that I have studied the science of physiognomy, and am prepared to analyze any face of any man you may bring to me.  For the features of a man’s face are indeed windows into his very essence.

“The attention which the French have, of late, paid to Physiognomy, may be ascribed not only to the infatuating nature, and intrinsic excellence of that science, but, also, to adventitious circumstances.  France, or, more properly, its metropolis, has, within a few years, become, as it were, an immense stage on which all varieties of human aspect and action have been exhibited.  Their painters, at present, employ the pencil, not on pieces of ancient history or mythological fiction,  but in designating the various national physiognomies, costumes, and conformation (?) of body, which Paris now presents assembled from all of Europe, and from some parts of Asia.  The Physiognomist has there an ample scope for the study and enlargement of the Science:  The Briton melancholy amidst success–the Frenchman happy amidst adversity–the phlegmatic German, the choleric Russian, the proud Spaniard, the vain Pole,  the grave and jealous Turk ; these parading her streets and gardens, or thronging her Caffees, must present a group, whose motley and various character mocks both narrative and description.”

The science of physiognomy offers us a method by which we can reach a much greater understanding of society as a whole, as well as those we meet on the street.  Who can we trust?  Who should our daughters marry?  Who should be sterilized before they reproduce?  All of these are pertinent questions, and I am prepared to answer them for you.

To demonstrate this powerful science, a friend has kindly (and unintentionally) submitted two (2) photographs for analysis.

Matt 1

Figure 1

Figure 2

Figure 2

Right away there’s a problem.  If you submit a picture for analysis, please don’t wear a hat.  I am forced to assume that in this situation, the subject, as seen in Figure 2, is hiding the fact that the occiput, that is, the back part of the skull, exhibits a cavity, which is a sign of a weak mind, sometimes stubborn and always contracted.  The long hair also contributes to hiding the forehead, whose shape and size allows us to judge the extent of a man’s understanding.  We can only assume that he is hiding a forehead full of irregular protuberances, characteristic of a choleric temperament.  It is rounding towards the summit with a slight projection, which shows great judgment, an irritable disposition.  It is a forehead characteristic of melancholy.

The eyebrows, which are horizontal and slightly curved denote energy and ingenuity.  The symmetry of the eyebrows indicate once again a solidity of judgement.  Admittedly, I don’t know what color this young man’s eyes are, but based on both Figures 1&2, I’m guessing that they are brown, which is a sign of vivacity and affability.  As we can see in Figure 1, the upper eyelids cross diametrically the ball of the eye, which is a sign of cunning and subtlety.

This is getting boring.  Let me summarize.

This young man’s face conveys a certain subtle judging character.  While he certainly conveys affability at times, his irritable disposition and choleric temperament make him an objectionable character, probably Irish.   He is well suited for white collar crimes, drinking, but certainly not hard work.

Want to know about your own personality?  Or that of potential mates?  Send along a few photographs, and please, don’t wear a hat.

(thanks matt for posting these photographs on your blog on the day that I discovered this book.)


1 Comment

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One response to “An Inquiry into the Analogy Existing Between Brute and Human Physiognomy

  1. sounds about right to me.

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