Like everywhere in the eastern United States, West Virginia is covered in many feet of snow. The spot where my car used to be is covered in a giant and intimidating lump. Every time the plows come by, I worry they’ll plow Hondaleeza away. The town of Elkins is nearly entirely shut down, despite being used to tons of snow being dumped on top of it. I attribute this more to the town’s overall leaning towards leisure rather than work. Elkins embraces any cause for celebration or lettin’ go. Let me be clear: I am also this way. I will literally take any opportunity to do nothing rather than something, which is why living here is such an excellent fit for me sometimes. It’s nice.
That aside, there is one major, grating, awful problem this relaxed and celebratory attitude has created. In order to create a holiday spirit in downtown Elkins and subconsciously induce local shopping, the municipal speakers have been playing Christmas music from around 11:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. every day. Somehow, for over 24 hours, the speakers have been playing Little Drummer Boy on an infinite loop. CONSTANTLY. CONSTANT LITTLE DRUMMER BOY. For my readers who may not be familiar with the song, let me tell you, it’s the worst Christmas song. The worst. And the version is a weird country version, with too-earnest vocals and a fiddle.
I might die from this. All we can do is listen to Curtis Mayfield and hope that sometime tomorrow, someone with any control over the situation stumbles across this disaster in the way to church and for the love of god makes it stop just makes it stop please.
It doesn’t sound like this.