Grumpy

Okay.  I told myself I wasn’t going to use this forum for rants and raves.  I hate that.  But do you know what I hate more than people who complain on the internet?

TERRIBLE SECURITY QUESTIONS FOR WEBSITE LOG-IN PURPOSES.

You know what I’m talking about.  Those questions you have to fill out answers to, just in case you ever forget your password, so that you can prove that you are you.  I am not opposed to those questions IN PRINCIPLE.

WHAT I AM OPPOSED TO is questions that HAVE ANSWERS THAT ARE NOT DEFINITE.  Let me list for you all of the questions you have to choose from to access your online SNAP benefits account (that’s food stamps) and in parenthesis hypothetical problems with each:

“What was your favorite activity in high school?  (um, was it getting high behind the dumpster or basketball?  I can’t remember! it’s been so long since high school and i had so many cherished activities)

Who is your favorite celebrity?  (Brangelina, duh, or wait…I dunno.  I’m kind of on Jen’s side now.  But was I when I filled this out a year ago?)

What is your favorite candy?  (do they even make whatchamacallits anymore?  But back then I was eating a lot of snickers.  But Rollos are a classic…Was I on my gluten free diet then?)

What is your favorite animal?  (Probably my second cat snowball, right?  Or wait, did I just put a general animal like “otter”?)

What is your favorite movie?  (TITANIC.  Wait, was titanic even out then?)

Who is your favorite author?  (Shit, who was it who wrote the davinci code?)

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO VISIT AS A CHILD?  (grandma’s?  the candy store? did I put a joke answer for this one?  is this one also “behind the dumpster getting high?”)

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?  (etc)

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM JOB?  (well, today i want to design menswear, but was that during my I want to be a lawyer phase?)

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GAME?”  (Oh, easy.  Scrabble.)

(emphasis added to show growing frustration and anger)

DEAR ALL WEBSITE DESIGNERS OR WHOEVER DOES THIS,

HERE ARE SOME GOOD QUESTIONS:

What is your mother’s maiden name?

What is your father’s middle name?

How many siblings do you have?

What was your grandmother’s hometown?

QUESTIONS WITH ANSWERS THAT AREN’T GOING TO CHANGE.

The worst part is the website says “It is recommended that you select questions with answers that you know and do not change over time.”

This constantly enrages me.  Someone please do something.

Thank you, sorry.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Grumpy

  1. well, i like this post. i mean, i even lolled.

  2. Ivy

    Ten bucks says those questions exist to put personalized ads on your banking website. Fifteen bucks thinks its funny that somewhere out there on the internet exists a giant database with everyone’s mother’s maiden name.

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